Do you trust yourself?

Okay, talk about opening up with a heavy question. I’m guessing you’re saying "YES! right now. “But…maybe with just a couple little caveats or exceptions”. Or maybe like “Yeah, but I just like to get other’s opinions JUST IN CASE but I don’t really care what they think”. And if that’s the truth, I’m so happy for you and also, I’m guessing you are probably lying to yourself or you wouldn’t be reading this in the first place.

Because here’s the thing: as humans we are HARDWIRED to care what other people think and to ask for their advice. It’s part of our “herd” mentality. We are pack animals and start getting itchy and uncomfortable when separated from our pack for too long (why do you think solitary confinement is a literal prison/torture practice??). We innately and no matter how much we fight it, WANT to be with people who love us and support us and help us. Even us introverts who absolutely crave and thrive in our alone time and imagine blissful days where no one talks to us for hours on end will eventually want human contact again. Simply put, we are not meant to live entirely alone. We are meant to be with other humans.

Okay, so maybe we can get onboard with the whole pack animal idea…but that doesn’t mean I don’t trust myself…what are you getting at here? Great question, I would love to tell you.

Because of the way we are wired to confide in and work with and support other humans, we are also socially and culturally conditioned to seek outside information before we make decisions. Most likely this originated in our childhood when we were taught to gather all the information before we make a decision. Compare a pros and cons list. Check reputable sources. Ask the experts. All these things are very well and good. And I’m not suggesting we should never do these things, so hopefully you haven’t already X’ed out of this page and are still reading.

No.

The TROUBLE comes when we start believing that someone else ALWAYS has the answers. Or ALWAYS knows better. Or you just need ONE more opinion. Truth is, we are not meant to know everything. We don’t truly need EVERY ANGLE for EVERY single question we face. We have become so inundated with “experts” and “official sources” and degrees, certifications, training, etc that we have forgotten how to trust OURSELVES and our own intuition.

(Okay, going to pause real quick here because I’m sure some of you have your panties in a bunch extrapolating everything I’m saying to mean that I think all those things I mentioned above are useless. That’s not what I’m saying at all. If I’m having brain surgery, I don’t want some random person off the street just winging it, going with however they feel. You better your booty I want someone qualified. OF COURSE there are instances we NEED the certifications and everything else. I’m not talking about all that. Are we clear here? Don’t come at me claiming I’m saying education doesn’t matter. That’s not true at all.)

What I AM saying is that most, the majority, almost all, a lot of the decisions we need to make do not require anyone else’s input but our own. We tell ourselves a lot of lies like “I just need a little more information” or “I’m just trying to be prepared” when all we’re really doing is procrastinating and hoping someone else will make the decision for us or tell us what to do because we don’t trust ourselves enough to not screw it up. That way, if it doesn’t work out, we can blame someone else and claim that we knew the right choice all along. We absolve ourselves of any responsibility.

BUT WAIT. Don’t you WANT responsibility over your own life? Don’t you WANT to be the one who is in control, who knows themselves and trusts themselves enough to handle the repercussions of your decisions? Isn’t it more empowering to say, “I totally own this decision. Good or bad, I got this.”?

Listen, I’ve been there. I’ve felt (okay fine, sometimes FEEL) like I suck at making decisions or that I’ve made the wrong ones so why should I trust myself to make the right one now. But every time. Literally Every.Single.Time. I’ve outsourced my decisions (and subsequently my happiness) to someone else, I’ve regretted it. It wasn’t true to me. I’m not saying that the other person was even wrong either or that they didn’t have the best of intentions. What I am saying is that it wasn’t always right FOR ME. There’s a big difference there.

Trusting yourself takes work. It takes guts. It takes being okay with getting it wrong and knowing that it’s not the end of the world when you do. It takes disappointing people sometimes and loving yourself enough to know you can handle that too. We’ll talk about HOW to build that trust within yourself soon but know that you’ve got this. You’ve got your built-in bestie right here ready to walk you through it and cheer you on through the process. I’m not a gatekeeper of knowledge here. I’ve made plenty of mistake and I’m happy to share what I’ve learned in the process.

Trust yourself babe, you’re strong enough.