I'm guessing that you are deep in the throes of unraveling your entire life right now. Questioning every decision, examining every relationship, hell, even hobbies aren't safe from your scrutiny at this point. At it's core, a dark night of the soul is discovering who YOU truly are, before you were told who to be.
We are ALL conditioned and brainwashed. There is no getting out of it. Unless, I guess, you were raised by highly in-tune parents, completely cut off from all of society, left to form your own opin...but no. Even still, they would have unintentionally instilled in you THEIR thoughts and beliefs - well-meaning, true, helpful, or not. However, given the fact that you are reading this on the internet, I'm going to assume that you have, in fact, been conditioned by other people and systems in the world. You have talked to other people, you have gone to school (including homeschool), you have had a job, you have watched TV, listened to the radio, or associated in society in some way. Even if you have no idea what celebrity is currently popular or what music is mainstream, you have most likely been raised around other humans, and as such, been conditioned.
Now, don't get me wrong - not all conditioning is bad. For example, I've been conditioned to wash my hands after using the restroom, and to not scream at or punch people that I feel anger towards, no matter how much I may believe they deserve it. I've also been conditioned to try to be polite and understanding of other's emotions. I've been conditioned to eat vegetables and do my best to keep my body healthy. Some conditioning can be helpful - so we don't have to "reinvent the wheel" for every single thing we do.
Unfortunately, a LOT of the conditioning we recieve isn't healthy, or even helpful. It's not healthy for example, to be taught that we should always avoid conflict because that can lead to an unbalanced relationship, work environment, even country. It's not healthy to be taught that we should always look to an "authority figure" for guidance and answers because that can lead to distrust within ourselves and never truly growing up and taking accountability for our lives. Having magazines and television shows constantly portraying impossible, untrue, and unrealistic body expectations is not helpful. Being inundated with ads and commercials for every new phone, tech gadget, article of clothing....the list goes on and on....is not helpful.
If you are still with me that the majority of the planet is heavily conditioned and have begun questioning everything, AND you are looking for a way to make sense of your world, let's dive deeper. At first it feels overwhelming and impossible to figure out what you believe about every.single.thing. Don't worry! You have time. As you figure out your own belief systems, the world will continue to move- days will still pass and you aren't just stuck. There is no time limit on figuring things out. It's okay for you to take your time and to change your mind as you learn more. While I understand how frustrating it is to be in the thick of it, and how quickly we just want to snap out of it, the reality is, reconfiguring your life and thought process takes time AND you are exactly where you need to be, right now. So, step number one is to (try to) relax. Give yourself the time and grace to let yourself figure out how you feel instead of trying to hurry it up. Doing so will help you learn to trust yourself more and look at your experience more as a journey than a destination you just can't wait to get to.
As you dig in to your questions, pay close attention to your body. If you hear nothing else I say, please hear this: your mind will immediately try to jump in and override your body. Your body cannot lie. Pay attention to the subtle clues it gives you. As you do, those clues will get louder and easier for you to catch and apply. Okay, let me give you a simple example to illustrate this: Your friend invites you to a party this weekend. When they extend the invitation, what is your IMMEDIATE BODY REACTION? Did your stomach feel lighter? Were you energized by the thought of it? Did you immediately want to physically pull your body back? Did you get a pit in your stomach? Notice what your body's response was BEFORE your brain kicked in with all of it's "logic" and "conditioning. Let's say that your felt a pit in your stomach initially, but almost instantly after that, your brain started thinking, "I don't want to let my friend down, she's always been there for me. It would be good for me to get out. I don't know anyone, and I had plans to take a bath and read my new book, but it IS fun to meet new people. Plus, she's always there for me when I invite her out....and if I say no, she might not invite me again. I don't want to not be included. And I don't want to hurt her feelings..." and on and on your brain will drone, until it comes up with what it has been conditioned to think is the appropriate response - regardless of how YOU actually feel it. Your brain is so freaking loud that if you don't pay close attention, it will absolutely drown out your body's true response.
HEAR ME:
Your brain is NOT your authority.
Your BODY is.
As you focus on it, you will learn it's subtle cues and know what is true for YOU. It could be your gut, your throat, your heart - pay attention to your body and you'll hear it trying to communicate with you in YOUR way.
Another reason this is SO important is because since you are now questioning previous beliefs, your brain is going to send out screaming warning bells to you when you come across an opinion that contradicts your previoulsy held beliefs. By dropping into your body, you can discern how YOU feel about things, instead of falling back into old habits and thought patterns that are easier simply because you've thought them longer. A note about this that can get tricky (but I have full confidence you can handle it) - it's okay if after you examine a previous belief and drop into your body's response that you decide you still agree with it. The important part is that it is now YOUR decision, your belief, your conviction. Living your beliefs is much easier when you are the one who has decided you feel good about them.
A final thought (for now) about navigating your dark night of the soul: while the first one will almost definitely be the biggest and most extreme, don't be surprised if you find yourself experiencing more mini ones in the future. This is not only normal, it's to be expected. As a human being you are here to grow, learn, and experience life. You will be a hundred different people during this one lifetime. Each new version of you will grow into a more intuitive, personalized version. Like I said earlier, it's okay to change your mind. It's okay to outgrow old thought patterns and beliefs. The important part is making sure it truly feels aligned to YOU.
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